I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
