You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
