I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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