Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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