im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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