I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found puke in my bra..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
