i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
