I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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