He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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