if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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