theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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