its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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