you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
