Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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