I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
