your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
