Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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