I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
