So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
