you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
