I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
