We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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