life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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