nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
