omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
