I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
