If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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