so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
