I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
