just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
