There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
