batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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