(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
