Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
