i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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