It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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