Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
