Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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