I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
