I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
