I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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