new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
