Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
