if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
