butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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