omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
