You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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