Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
smell my finger.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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