I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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