i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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