If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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