Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
