Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
