the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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