Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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