whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
