I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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