This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
