You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
