The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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