we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
