Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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