my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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