I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
