and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
pray to the hookup gods
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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