How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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