im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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