We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
