Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
