dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
