she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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