Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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