"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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