it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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