dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
