Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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