We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
