Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
