i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
