he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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