I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
