I can tuck mytits in my pants
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am available for nakedness
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
