Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
