I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
